May 21, 2006 - Day 5 - Week 7 - Sharing Feelings

“You may not, under any circumstances, tell anyone about my cancer, period.”  This is an approximation of a wife’s directive to her husband when she discovered that the breast cancer she thought she had beaten reappeared the next time in her liver.  Apparently open to discussing the first round, the eight year remission, lulled her into a false sense of security and when the cancer re-appeared she shut down.  In addition, she asked her long term marriage partner and their children to keep their story to themselves.

Without judging, the children have related how hard this was and has been on their dad. When this courageous woman died many people were shocked because the story had not been leaked.  The sad part is that many people blamed the husband for not being forthcoming, yet he was doing the bidding of his dying wife.

Is it better to share, hold it in, or just sit back and see what happens?  I do not know what the answer is, but each family addresses their story in a unique way.

Many of us were raised, especially if we are guys, not to be to effusive with our emotions.  Men are generally emotionally suspect when it comes to issues surrounding health, marriage, sexuality and sharing feelings.   For whatever reason, a whole generation of men has a hard time talking about the important stuff in life.  We are good about discussing world events, politics, the stock market and sports, but not about being open about our prostate cancer, or the battles we experience with our children, or how hard it is to balance everything in this fast paced modern world.  For some men discussing family issues is perceived as a sign of weakness, and today there are legions of individuals who would rather ‘keep it in than let it out.’

Letting our feelings experience the fresh air is essential in modern times.  Sharing may be hard for our friends or for us for that matter, but it can be learned.  Start with a trusted friend and in a neutral setting and begin to unpack all that may be stuffed into the locked steamer trunk in our heart.

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