April 19, 2006 - Day 1 - Week 3 - Cancer Stories

Cancer conversations are not always easy.  When sharing the news with family and friends there is an emotional attachment that colors the response.  Reactions vary from the sublime to the ridiculous, but transference is common.  My story is evocative of raw emotions in some because of their personal experience with the disease.  The sadness in the voice, the eyes that drop, the words ‘I am sorry’ are often reflective of a deeply held and perhaps unresolved set of feelings.

One of my longest and deepest friendships in California is with a loyal Hispanic employee of St. Matthew’s Parish.  Several years ago I was at the side of Manuel when he lost his beloved wife Edmunda to cancer.  On Sunday I saw him at church prior to the early Easter morning service.  The tears welled up in his eyes when I told him what I was embracing.   His emotions are still raw and yet almost two decades have passed since his personal tragedy.  It was important to listen to him and to embrace his pain he felt for me.

Cancer stories are real.  They strike at the heart of relationships.  Every story is different, yet a common denominator is that pretense disappears from everyone. Experiencing cancer and then conversations themselves may cause a variety human emotions.  Denial, grief, anger, and the classic, as related to me at breakfast this morning -  “Why me?  Why God me?” How often this becomes the natural and understandable knee jerk reaction.

My friend Les was struck a terrible blow to the head with cancer of the tonsils.  Radiation therapy cured his cancer, yet the process was horrendous.  To this day, many years later, he is thankful for his team of doctors, his loyal and loving family and friends, and yet stands in front of the mirror and wonders why, and more poignant still, wonders if cancer will return and take him the next time around.  He has asked himself over and over again why a loving father, hard working, in shape, non-smoker and all around regular person would get cancer.

He takes a little solace knowing that he was around second hand smoke a great deal and this might be the ‘smoking gun.’  Yet, when asking of his doctors the all important question, why me, not a single one could come up with a helpful answer.

It is now a question of listening to the stories of thousands and using our power of reason and discernment to determine, at least partially, answers that lead to behavior modification of system change.  Banning smoking in restaurants certainly provides others a more pleasant dining experience, and perhaps eliminating as well one of those maybes that Les continues to wrestle with this day.

The moral of the story is simple.  Listening to cancer stories may help us all find the truth.

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