August 31, 2006 -
Day 2 - Week 22 = Happy "Ending?"
Given the events I've described that have taken
place during the past two years, the term "ending"
just doesn't seem appropriate. During the past 24
months, life has been a journey of "constant
change". Indeed, there has been only one "constant",
and that has been "change" itself! One's ability to
adapt and cope is directly related to one's ability
to anticipate and respond to the unexpected. For the
most part, "change" has been imposed from
without-----making it all the harder to make the
necessary adjustments. The most dramatic moments
often seem to be that helpless feeling that
everything is spinning out of control.....those
moments when you think there is simply nothing I can
do to grab on to something and make it all stop.
Inexorably, change keeps going, like that damn
rabbit.
I admire people who welcome change into their lives.
Indeed, there are many who not only greet change
with a smile, but initiate change on purpose. I
wonder. How do those people manage the affliction of
cancer should it happen to them? Are they better
able to cope with the roller coaster? Those of us
who battle change, who prefer the old ways, who
prefer the routine, who begrudgingly let go of the
past...... may have a harder time meeting the
challenging journey of cancer. Perhaps one of the
greatest challenges for such people is to learn
flexibility in both heart and mind. Flexibility is
that critical quality needed in order to run
cancer's obstacle course in which the obstacles seem
to be ever changing at unpredictable times and
unpredictable places.
If I were given the task of counseling cancer
patients, their friends and family......I think the
first thing I would say to them would be, "Be ready
for the roller coaster. There will be ups and downs
at unpredictable times. Expect the unexpected. Don't
let your hopes get too high, or your despair get too
low. Roll with the punches, but always keep moving
forward. Other important factors contribute to
recovery, but the bottom line is, be flexible, keep
moving." What counsel would you offer if you met for
the first time with someone who was just informed
that he or she had been struck by cancer?
I digress..........So "ending" may not be an
appropriate term to use here. My brother's journey
is far from over. Today, however, that light at the
end of the tunnel is shining ever
brighter.......just as the light at the end of
Peter's tunnel holds great promise. There's an old
expression, "things are darkest before dawn." Having
been through months, indeed years of darkness, the
dawn lies on the horizon. Dawn takes many forms of
course. In my brother's case, "dawn" appears to have
taken the form of an old friend drawn to his side by
the sad news of Barbara's passing. Carol taught at
the same school as my brother thirty years ago and
had long since moved to other places and other
pursuits. When she heard the news that Barry had
lost his wife, she responded by connecting with him
during a visit to Albuquerque following Barbara's
funeral. Her warm manner and genuine compassion
provided Barry with that special touch that only old
friends can offer. When I visited my brother in the
hospital in Houston following his operation in June,
Carol was by his bedside, holding his hand and
offering words of support and encouragement.
Supportive brothers can be very helpful for
recuperation, but we just aren't able to provide the
quality of support that loving friends like Carol
can offer. I have little doubt that much of Barry's
post operation mood and energy was generated by
Carol's caring touch, and I am deeply grateful for
her. The latest news is that she has decided to
relocate from her longtime home in San Antonio and
move to Albuquerque where she has already managed to
find a job with a local television station. That
suggests to me that the potential exists for a
longer term relationship that may be good medicine
for permanent recovery.
Happy "ending"? As I suggested at the outset, too
much has happened for me to use that term. Maybe I
have finally learned about the inevitability of
change----and that makes me less inclined to predict
the future. But for now, the possible endings I can
see are much, much brighter.....both for my brother
Barry and my "brother" Peter.
Back to Week
22 |
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