August 18, 2006 - Day 3 - Week 20 - Reaction Time

We lost a family member, Beaches the Golden Retriever, about a year ago.  She was a wonderful dog that had a 3 second delay time built into her being.  We would call her, put something out for her to eat, or gesture to her in some way only to be greeted by an inquisitive look, the delay and then the response.  It was a treat to experience and it became known, as is to this day, the Beaches Effect in our family.

The Beaches Effect came home to roost when told that for the time being I was cancer free.

In calling or telling others in person that the PET scan was negative, I have been cognizant of the fact that human beings react quite differently to unexpected news.  Granted the news was good this time, but even on the first round of disclosure, people’s reaction varied greatly.

There is the analytical approach that requests facts first, and demonstrates feelings second.  Well, how did you find out?  What are the scans like?  Are you in remission?  I think the barrage of questions reflects the Beaches syndrome.  That is a little process time is needed by some folks and questions allow that time.

Then there is the immediate choking up pattern.  Indiscriminate when it comes to gender, both male and female friends alike have had the tears well up in the eyes, the voice quiver, and words few and far between.  Soaking in the message just heard and offering a verbal response comes secondary to the visible emotional response.  Many times words do not come at all; at least for that common delay time we all know so well.

A third person might combine a variety of responses.  Oh my gosh, as the voice raises two octaves, was common.  Oh Peter, that is great news, became an immediate and spontaneous outburst. Time and time again voice modulation was an indicator of emotional attachment to both the issue and to me and my family.

And, of course, there were the male friends who offered this sage advice; great you can get back to the life of debauchery that you once led or wonderful now you can catch up on the really important things in life; whatever that meant.   Men need practice in learning how to respond what they hear.

In addition and almost without exception the conversation concluded with the following: you have made my day, or my week, or my month and in one case, my friend Rosie, who recently lost her good friend Sheri to cancer, you have made my year.  This heartfelt response is understandable in a world filled with so much terror from so many sources. Cancer is but one of those conditions we attach to terror today, and good news out of left field often induces that wow, boy is that great response.

Boy is this great, a classic movie line from the even more classic movie Animal House, summarizes all the well wishers – from those at the gym who have seen me only briefly of late, to those in my community of faith, bridge group, social circle, or business life; not to mention my family and friends all across the country.

The opening of the Kreitler Compact speaks of one man’s story that can hopefully embolden each of us on our own journey.  I never imagined for even a brief moment that a brief 130 days later I would be saying Boy is this great.

Boy is this great having your support, prayers, encouragement and friendship – may our Compact create the opportunity for the multiplier effect to take place. Every time we can be with others on their path, when needed or required, we help them say – Boy is this great!

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