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August 15,
2006 - Day 7 - Week 19 - Are you Kidding Me?
What a day! I went around in
a daze. Cancer released its hold of me and I have
been an emotional wreck. I have wanted to tell the
world but I am scared that this may be a false
alarm. Yes, Dr. Piro called and said that the news
was fantastic and that the PET scan showed no sign
of cancer. The CT scan indicated that the inflamed
lymph system was normal save for a few remaining
bumps larger than normal, but dramatically reduced.
This all came as a complete surprise and I alter
between tears and laughter.
I have spent the last two weeks
in and out of doctor’s offices, hospital rooms, and
pharmacies. Good friends laughed with me as I
became ‘damaged goods’ right before our eyes.
Through it all I have kept up The Kreitler Compact
because it is a vehicle for catharsis. At the end of
the day I sit down, and thankfully tonight the
Dodger game, without the sound, gives me a sense of
normalcy, but today was anything but normal. I
expected the worse, though rarely in my life have I
seen a glass of water half empty, but my
discouragement was masked under a nice tan and
pleasant demeanor. On the inside I expected the
exact opposite of what I was told. So today was
kind of surreal. I had geared up to accept the
battle with the new strategy that even involved
wearing a heart monitor again, but I am experiencing
almost a new dimension of thought and feeling
tonight. Not quite an out of the body experience,
but certainly emotions rarely felt in my lifetime.
Joy and thanksgiving coupled with disbelief is an
odd combination.
Two months ago the PET scan
showed a 30% reduction, and this one on Monday bent
the odds to an unrecognizable level. What were the
chances of this happening after 5 treatments, 5 of
eight scheduled? What miracles are wrought with
modern medicine, pro-active involvement, prayer, and
the always amazing serendipity or providence? I do
not know the answer to what has taken place, or why
for that matter, but the reprieve for the time being
is magical.
I was in the process of
scheduling chemo therapy at the Cape Cod hospital
and was to have begun on August 30th; a
wonderful birthday present for Katy; but as of last
night Dr. Piro has offered that we reevaluate when I
return in September. I am off the hook during our
family vacation. Hooray! This will be a different
kind of trip than I expected. I will focus on
family, friends, and rebuilding my immune system.
It has been compromised, weakened, and in need of
some real attention.
Yes, no issue is completely
resolved at this point, but I can really dedicate
thought, reading, and behavior to prevention now.
Thus, I have come full circle in 4 months. Watching
others endure cancer has prompted me to want to
discover why and the wherefores of prevention. I
guess now I might be considered a good test case.
Everything will be done in my
power to prevent what statistically is assured; I do
not want cancer to return. And, I do not want to
get cancer again. Simple.
P. S. I told, with a wry smile
across my face, that it must be the blueberries;
which I eat on my organic granola daily.
Back to Week
19 |
