August 1, 2006 - Day 7 - Week 17 - Family Fun

Here is a vacation question to ponder.  How do we measure success in our culture in an era when material wealth and the acquisition of money drives so much of our life?  If modern society deems one to be successful by the number of toys, houses, stocks, etc., I know lots of very, very successful people. On the other hand, many from this demographic are not happy, do not maintain a healthy quality of life, and express a sadness about their general condition. Maybe success could be measured differently.

On the other hand, and from the other hand,  I thought about the houseguests we say good – bye to today. Daughter Laura, on her way back to SF before she heads off to The Kellogg School of Management in Evanston Illinois, has developed over the past five years the ability to balance work, play, adventure, while maintaining  her friendship circle.  This leads to a quality of life that we can all covet, and covet I do, even though it says somewhere in scripture that thou, meaning me, shall not covet.

Katy and I were also host, for the first time, and for their first time on Cape and Cod, her two brothers John and Charlie.    I was fortunate not to have to be with my brothers in law alone for 5 days as they were accompanied by the two other outlaws, Deni and Diane Bates. We had never spent more than 37 minutes together as a six-some, so this familial experiment was causing much anxiety, wringing of the hands, and breath holding, prior to their arrival by Cape Air.    Maybe they agreed to come because they figured I might not be hanging around the Cape much longer and they better get a visit in quick.  Needless to say, I had to rent a 6 passenger mini-van to cart the team around, and knowing how much luggage Charlie requires, the additional roof rack was mandatory.  Actually, a bit of hyperbole here as we all seemed to look forward to a unique venue to strengthen our family ties.  It’s about time, I have only been with Katy for 24 years now; actually it has taken that long for John, Deni ,Charlie and Di to accept a registered Green Party member into their family.

Kidding aside, and getting  back to measuring success, all four of my inherited relatives are successful in life using any scale of measurement you choose.  They manage a quality of life that reflects commitment to family, work, community, and friends.  I admire what they have been able to accomplish and it was a delight trying to keep up with the Juniors in the family.

When diagnosed with cancer every doctor worth their salt tries to find a cure, but an equivocation comes quickly in the form of ‘we would like to foster the opportunity to make a good quality of life for you.’  What that means is, ‘Peter we may not beat the disease completely, but we can make your life worth living.’  Amen to that! Success might be measured differently by those facing cancer.

For obvious reasons, I have thought a lot about quality of life in the last six months. I have plenty of toys, an abundance of stuff, yet my success is measured by the amount of time I can spend with the family and friends I love, and especially in the natural world.

Quality of life, is all about going to the beach with Mark, Jen, Theo and Megan in Southern California, or hosting them, or Brad and Belle, Laura and the Bates Family at the Cape House.  Quality of life is not about the acquisition of more material objects, but the collection of memories in the form of quality time with people you love.

Memories are made of this – setting aside time for recreation and re-creation in the natural world with people you love and care about.  And, as my good friend Harry always asks – “Does it get any better than this?

For the Bates team, not withstanding the invasion by the green flies, quality time was swimming in refreshing Nantucket Sound waters just after having devoured a lobster roll.  Success was being able to share openly, laugh loudly and recognize that each day is a gift; a precious offering that should not be taken for granted.

Perhaps the true definition of success is that every day while doing something positive for someone else you celebrate and give thanks for  the gift of each sunrise.   Now that is a successful person who can do that on a regular basis!

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