July 22, 2006 - Day 4 - Week 16 - Communion and Communication

When you grow up in a small family each member of that family takes on a heightened importance especially as another member passes away.  The nuclear Kreitler family consisted of Jack, Billie, Jay and Pete.  Mom died of lymphoma cancer at age 78, Dad had lung and prostate cancer, but lived to almost 89, Jay is free, though his wife Elizabeth has battled the disease and won, and I have what I have – mantle cell lymphoma.

Each birthday was always special in our family, though it  seemed like we celebrated Mom’s more than anyone else’s, perhaps because hers was August 20^th and we were always at the home on Cape Cod; and she was mom with three men. We have one classic picture of the four of us around the dining room table with monster lobsters on our plates in front of us.  Breaking bread together was important in our family and growing up always meant having dinner as a family.

I miss the slower pace of the past in part because of sharing meals with family seemed to take center stage.  Grandfather at the head of the table carving the turkey on Thanksgiving is a vivid memory reflecting good times.  I was taught at an early age the value of gathering around the dining room table.  All ages were represented and we were given a voice early on in our lives.  Harmony was not always the order of the day, and many meals were raucous because the tenor of the conversations could be confrontational as well as intense or lighthearted, but no one was injured or scared for life because of debating issues and disagreeing with one another.

Experiencing cancer and recognizing how central this has become in my life, I am more intent than ever on finding ways to honor what I grew up with, the family meal.  Even if it is simply a hot dog at the beach with the grandkids, such as we had an earlier day in July, or the formal meal at the Cape where Brad fixes clam linguine with our freshly dug clams, the table is often the best place to reinforce family ties and values.

With the statistics reflecting a breakdown of the family and all sorts of folks pointing fingers at the root causes, I will add my 2 cents worth to say it may have something to do with fast food restaurants, instant gratification, and the lack of attention to the importance of communion and communication at the family table.

When I step back and reflect, as I always do around my birthday, I realized that the gift of cancer has taken on multiple meanings for me.  One, most assuredly to be honored, is the on-going effort to have lunch with friends or business associates, dinner parties with good friends, and special meals with family.  Pro-active behavior is required to make this happen, but there is nothing finer in life than to be in the presence of people you love with food on the table.

Meaning in life is directly proportional to the amount of communication and communion you have with people you love.  Add in the idea of doing this in the natural world, or a lovely backyard, or where nature is still healthy and the reason to live a long life becomes very clear. 

PS. Happy Birthday Mike wherever you are; hopefully on Freedom.